the music is too loud

i need quiet... i need stillness...

what's with all the ruckus?

i don't want to think... i just want to feel...

finally... peace...

ok... thinking again... about whether or not i am understood... not that it really matters... i'm just curious...

wondering if what i say makes sense... if what i write from the heart can be felt by another...

part of me wants to continue writing towards an end of inspiration... in others... but another part... a selfish part... maybe...? wants only to vent...

but then i think about... who wants to read that? i certainly don't... when i come back to this... later in the future... i want to be inspired... not depressed...

why am i so torn between the ideas of doing for others and doing for myself? sometimes i feel like i do more for others... then i feel like i don't do enough... or i could do more... but i never really think about what i do for myself... do i do enough?

i don't know how to answer that question... what i do know is that the question itself brought tears to my eyes... because i started to think... that i am not living up to my potential...

and i'm not... but that's okay... because i haven't reached the pinnacle of my life... what's scary is that i don't think i'm getting there fast enough... my attitude towards life is too lax...

i feel a struggle between materialism and detachment... i like having nice things... and i want more nice things... so i have to work hard to get them... but will i ever reach the level of spirituality that i want if i continue on this path? can there be a balance?

i don't know...?

inspiration now

i need it...

i need to feel... in spirit...

to be in spirit is to be free...

i need freedom...

freedom to write whatever comes to mind... and hold nothing back...

i have it...

only i can get in my way... i can be my own worst enemy...

or my own best friend... one that inspires me...

so let go, my friend... let go and let God...

be still... and know that i am God...

so much truth in those words...

i feel as if my level of inspiration has dropped... but as i sit here... quietly... it is being replenished... it's amazing...

this is for you, my God...

i love you...

i have found you... and feel so connected... right now... in this moment...

you and i are one...

i wish this moment would last forever... but i already feel it slipping away...

i love you... you created me... i am eternally grateful... let me be your servant...

your will is my will... let me love as you love... let me know as you know...

stay with me forever... and i will never leave you... we will not be separate...

shine your light upon me... and i will help illuminate the world...

all talk and no ...

writing...

i feel as if i've abandoned my art... my expression... my heart...

ok, not really my heart, but it sounded good... lol

(cracking myself up)

just warming up right now...

no time right now... more later...................

excuses, excuses

no more.

this might sound like an oxymoron but...

there is glory in marijuana...

this morning on cnn, i saw a report on what the legalization of marijuana would cost us.... and what it would cost us if we don't...

it could cost us a lot... it could cost us everything...

i am not sure what the effects on the amount of recreational use would be... that doesn't matter...

what matters is that it is one of God's creations... so we must glorify it...

how? you ask... simple... we use it to save the world!

simpler? ok... we use hemp to make paper... not just printing paper... paper towels, paper cups, even toilet paper... imagine all the trees we could save...

God does not make mistakes... people do... we misuse, abuse, and destroy His creations... look at the Ozone... we did that...

we have to open our eyes and see... look at what we have done... without vision, the people will perish... we shall not be blinded by fear... fear is False Evidence Appearing Real... it will make you see a different reality... it will lie to you... it will tell you what you want to hear... it will make you feel comfortable... so that you won't go to the truth... because the truth may hurt... yet it is nothing to fear...

the truth is that this world is a mess... we have made it so... and we need to fix it... before it's too late...

love never fails.

this is the first step... if we all loved each other as the children of God that we are... we would glorify God like we never have before... and imagine the glory that would come next... we would change the world undoubtedly...

just something to think about :)

peace.

change is constant

times they are a changin'!

i am so excited about all the new changes in my life! new career... pretty soon a new home... new places to visit in the near future... oh and of course... new shoes :)

everything is changing... people always say that nothing ever stays the same... that may be true... which in a way is a little sad to me... because even though i embrace change... at times i feel a sense of nostalgia for how things were before... at times i have wondered why nothing lasts forever...

but that's not exactly true... there is one thing that lasts forever... and that is God... and one thing that never changes... His love for me... and as long as that's true... nothing else really matters...

i know that i have a purpose... and as long as i always see the light... and stay focused... things around me will always change... even i myself may change.... but i will always get to where i'm going...

everything happens for a reason... God does not make mistakes... even misfortunes can be blessings in disguise... change does not have to hurt... it does not even have to be understood... i just have to know that God has a plan...

i didn't see my life being anything like what it is now a year ago... heck, not even six months ago... and even though i felt torn at times trying to make some decisions, i feel as everything has happened perfectly... and i thank God for that...

the thought behind the thought

do you ever think about what you're thinking about??

it's weird because most of the time... you are just thinking... and your thinking is subconscious... because you don't really think about what you think about... you just think...

but every now and then, your thinking becomes a little more conscious... and you stop to think about the thoughts you are having...

this has been a great tool for me to really figure out who i am... because when you can analyze your thoughts, you can know what emotion lies deep within you... you can know what your true intention is...

if your true intention is to love... if the emotion inside of you is love... then the actions that your thoughts will lead to will be acts of love... of kindness... of charity...

but if your thoughts are thoughts of anger... of resentment... of hatred... then your true intention of love has been overcome by fear... and the actions they will lead to will not be Godly acts...

pay attention to your thoughts... realize who you are... a child of God...

be still... and know...

how do you know?

you just do. it will be undeniable. all the signs will point to Him. and you will know... that God is in you.

and in the moment that you know... that God is in you... remember... that He has been there before... He has been there always... and He wants to stay forever... so keep that moment alive... and never forget...

if you do this... life becomes a dance... you become happy... and it will be a lot easier... to be who you really are... a loving, human being... with God in him...

being true to who you are would be your first nature... you would honor God and worship no other god... not money, not power, not fame... you would idolize nothing... you would never use His name in vain... and you will keep a day for Him... and then two days... until everyday becomes the Sabbath... you would honor your mother and father... for they have given you your life... you would not kill... for a loving human being would never take the life of another without justification... you would not want the spouse of another... or commit adultery, even in your mind... you would not steal... because everything already belongs to God... and God is in you... you would never bear false witness... truth is the essence of you... you would know that we are one in God... and therefore, would have no desire for the possessions of others... you would bless them.

so the next time you know... remember... and don't forget...

can't we all just get along?

sometimes i wish we were all on the same wavelength... we all could look each other in the eye... smile... and know that what we feel is a brotherly love... an unconditional love...

we would all know one absolute truth... and instead of fighting over who is right, we'd be loving each other and expanding... we would experience glory after glory... because that is God's will...

there would be little need for conversation... because we would all just understand...

imagine what we could do... we could end hunger... we would end war...

is it naive to DREAM BIG?

live your destiny

can you imagine living a life with out inner peace and with constant struggle?

why does that happen?

i believe we have a destiny... a purpose to fulfill... when you are on the path that leads to destiny, it brings a sense of calm and peace to your life... when you feel happy and secure in your surroundings... like you are where you are supposed to be... then you know you are doing things right...

it's not all about your feelings... although they are a big part... it's also your thoughts... what do you think about what you are doing? what do you think about where you are?

all good things come from God... feelings are good because they are a sense... they tell us that we are alive... and thoughts, well... they tell us that we exist... He who gave us existence, also gave us awareness of our existence... what a gift! and because of this existance, we are able to experience life... and life is beautiful...

so if what you feel, what you think, and what you experience come from God... then feelings of happiness and love are just God communicating that we are on the right path... that we are living our destiny... feelings of struggle and despair just tell you that you've missed... you've made a few wrong turns...

thankfully, we can use all of these things as a GPS... we can find our way back to the path for our true destiny by listening to our hearts... and using our experiences as tools...

the best part about all of this... is that it's never too late... everyday is a new beginning... another chance to change your life and change the world... what a miracle!

how to change the world

1- love. love unconditionally.

2- give. give freely and without expecting anything in return.

3- believe. believe that your potential is greatly larger than you could ever imagine.

4- see the change. have vision, for without it, you will perish.

5- be the change. just do it.

my re-birthday

my soul died and was reborn yesterday... i have been given a new life... my slate has been wiped clean... my sins have been forgiven... washed away by the water... i am fresh and pure now...

i feel brand new... like everything i do can be done with the purest of love and intent behind it... like i have been relieved of my excess baggage... my karma, so to speak... i have sown, and reaped what i sowed... now i will sow again, i will sow unconditional love everywhere i go... and whenever i find dry, infertile ground.... i will spend a little more time enriching the soil of those souls... so that the seeds of love can sprout and spread...

even though in my heart i had forgiven myself... and for a while now, no longer lived with feelings of guilt or regret... i feel now that i can freely use the spiritual gifts God has given me for the good of mankind... because i am free now... salvation has come to me... no more fear of the past coming back to haunt me.... my debts have been paid... it's time to invest in the future of the world...

the art of manifestation

it really is an art, you see... it is an expression of will...

it is true when they say that if you can see it... if your mind can conceive it... then it can achieve it.... and it will... as long as you never lose sight of it...

but you must have a creative mind... you must be able to see things how they are not... you must be able to see things in the way you want them to be... you must be able to feel things in seeing your desires... and when you can feel these things and see your dreams become real... your mind will begin to map out the route it must take to bring what you see and feel into the now... so that it can be real... and you can live it

such beautiful gifts God has given us... the idea of time... of past, present, and future... how great is it that we can live in the now, remember the past, and plan the future...

thank you, God!! for this miracle of life... that i may have this human experience for as long as You will, and one person at a time, help You change the world... thank you for this day, that You have made.

taking a leap of faith

people are always talking about taking risks in life... it's so easy to stay in your "comfort zone" and much harder to "step out of the box"... but i am determined to do that... i know it won't be easy... but it sure will be worth it...

i understand the concept of sacrifice... and i know that sometimes we need to experience short term pains for long term gains... what is the hardest part is having confidence in succeeding... there is always (sometimes more than others) a fear of failure... that's normal, right?

but failing is better than not trying... and the more i fail, the bigger the chances of success... as long as i keep getting up... nothing will hold me down...

i have faith and truly believe that something good is coming for me... i just have to do my part... i cannot continue to "play it safe"... when opportunities come, i must be prepared and know to recognize them...

i am ready for change... ready to follow my path with faith and without fear...

i will never ever give up... if failure is not an option... success in inevitable

time to be still

for the past couple of days, i have been trying to fight a cold... it's been a few years since i got sick... so i'm a little discouraged... but it has helped me to realize that it is time for a break... and rest and just be still...

at first i was upset that i had a tickle in my throat... and as it progressed, i realized it was just my body's way of demanding rest... i have been working waaaaayyy too much... so not only is my body in need of rest, my soul is in need of silent peace and oneness with God... i have been so consumed by trying to make ends meet, that it's almost like God has been sitting in my back seat... and every now and then, i turn around to say... "what do you think, God? am I going the right way?"

and now... being forced to slow down... i am telling God that i want Him in the front seat as my co-pilot... leading the way and guiding me into my destiny... letting me know which way to go, instead of finding out later that i made a wrong turn when i finally decide to ask... He has the map and i have to trust in Him... i can only get myself to the next moment in time... only He can get me to my true destiny... and He will only show me the way, if i sit still and listen........

stayin' alive

our physical bodies are so wonderfully perfect in the way they were made to function... they maintain themselves simply by keeping an almost perfect balance in certain fluids and natural chemicals that it itself produces... all we have to do to keep our bodies alive and healthy is nourish ourselves with food and water... exercise our muscles... and breathe fresh clean air... that's pretty simple, right?

but our souls... now... our souls take work... keeping your soul alive is not so physical... it longs for things that may seem simple enough, but in reality, so many people struggle with feeling alive... part of me wants to say that "all you need is love"... not just the romantic love that a man and a woman may feel for each other... we need that deeper love... the unselfish, unending, unconditional love... but in addition to love... we need hope and faith... all three must never cease... and when there is a deficiency in one... the others are there to bring it back to abundance... when you feel you have lost love... and faith... hope is there...

where there is hope, there is faith... where there is faith, there is love... where there is love, there is God... where there is God, there is no need... and your soul is alive...

the light of the world

That is what I am supposed to be... yet somehow, I have allowed something to dim the light inside of me... I can't allow my light to be turned off by anything... I won't let that happen...

Today I have chosen to shine... I want to illuminate every room I walk into, and affect everyone around me... I won't let myself be distracted or let bumps in the road extinguish this light of mine... I want my light to shine so bright that it causes the light in others to ignite and causes a chain reaction that will eventually change the world... We will be the light of the world... that we were made to be...

Let it shine, let it shine, let it shine...

i can't figure it out!

how do you post pictures up on blogger?!?!?!

somebody please help me!

thank you :)

it's a beautiful day

i love it when the clouds start to fade away and separate, letting the light shine through and making everything seem clearer... it's almost like the light is shining just for you and right on you... making it easier to see the real picture... the whole picture...

i have an unexplainable lightness to me today... as if burdens have been lifted off my shoulders, but in reality, nothing has really changed... it's metaphorical... my responsibilites and obligations are all still there, yet i feel a sense of "i can do this"...

today is a beautiful day...

love never fails

when i was a young teenager, i gave a valentine's day gift to my high school sweetheart that means so much more to me now, than it ever did to him... it was a small glass stand with a red rose on one side, and a scripture on the other... it was titled "LOVE" and it said:

love is patient and kind;

love is not jealous or conceited;

love is not proud or selfish;

love is not ill-mannered;

love is not irritable;

love does not hold a grudge;

love is not happy with evil;

love is happy with the truth;

love never gives up;

its faith, hope and patience

never fail.

i loved everything this "poem" said about love... i did not know at the time, the origin of these words...

even though it may have been puppy love, to my young heart, it was real... at the end of the relationship, he gave me back this gift saying, "i think you need this more than i do"... although it seemed offensive, i accepted it, and to this day, it sits on a shelf in my bedroom...

this scripture, 1 Cor. 13, became my favorite scripture... it speaks of the type of love that all Christians should feel for each other... a selfless, unconditional, brotherly love... it's written in black and white... in the Bible! so... why do so many people have trouble with this?

it is easy to love your neighbor that is your friend... but not as easy to love the neighbor that is an enemy... and how can one love the child of a neighbor as their own? yet, that is what we are supposed to do... we are all God's children... and we should love each other, as He loves us all...

i wish there was more of this selfless love in the world... i wish people would love fearlessly... if love never fails, then... what is there to fear?

sometimes love hurts... yes... love suffers long... that's what love is... but it is still so beautiful... it's patience makes it unlike anything else...

i want to see less superficial love, and more of that deep, true, selfless love everywhere... so i have made a pledge... everyday, i will express selfless love... somehow, someway... to anyone and everyone... whether it may be to a sad stranger with a heartfelt smile, or to a stressed coworker with a soothing pat on the back, to a lonely widow with some company, to a insecure adolescent with encouraging words, even to the enraged driver on the road with a friendly wave hello... everyday... someone will feel that love...

spread the love ♥

grace

My God is so good... everyday I am blessed... in so many ways... and I don't even deserve it... God never fails me, has never forsaken me... even after all the mistakes I have made... He shows me His mercy... Now that is true love... No matter how many times I break his heart, he gives me another chance...

All I can do is honor Him and love Him... and receive his gifts with gratitude... and show my appreciation, with acts of kindness to His people... If I make someone smile, I make God smile... If I can bring someone joy, God too will be happy with me...

Grace is such an awesome thing...if I am ever blessed with a daughter, I think I will name her Grace :)

super paola

I have found my cape, and put it back on... It wasn't as dusty as most of the things that have been sitting in the closet... I guess because it really hasn't been in there that long...

I didn't take off my cape when I became a grown up...as a matter of fact, I wore it with pride...

It's funny because it's true; people really do laugh at things they don't understand... I have a friend that, to this day, teases me and calls me "super woman"...

But last year, I took my cape off...but I didn't throw it in the closet...I actually hung it up nicely in my mind... It was a sad day... I took it off because someone told me that you can't keep trying to help people...that when you pull them out of a hole, the dig themselves into another one...I felt like my bubble had been bursted...

And then I learned that I can still be the heroine I always wanted to be...that if we have the courage to be different, then we can have the power to change the world, one person at a time... So I have put my cape back on...but instead of wearing it with pride, I am wearing it with humility... I am here to serve...I will continue to plant seeds and be careful not to over-water...instead, I will sow with love and later reap the harvest of a changed world...

I am not afraid of ridicule, nor will I let the ignorance or doubt of others stop me...I will embrace obstacles and allow them to strengthen me and fortify my faith...

I am not Super Woman... but I can be a super woman...and I won't let anyone steal my dreams...I have a purpose...and I won't stop trying till I die...

Up, up, and away!!!!

:)

a time to learn

I am trying to figure out if it really is in my best interest to give my all... Isn't "enough" better? "Enough" keeps me safe..."All" is risky... Not that I am afraid of risk, it's just that what's the point if my all is given in vain?

Why is it so hard for me to just give up? Why must I have so much patience? Why do I believe and have so much faith? And why is my faith based solely on abstract emotions instead of cold, hard facts? Why does it hurt so much? Why, why, why?!?!

But then again...why not? Is it because of all the challenges I am faced with that I become stronger? How strong do I need to be? I know I am not alone, and if God brought me to it, He'll get me through it...but it has been a long and difficult road... When will I finally see the light at the end of the tunnel...all I can do is just not give up hope.

looking back

Last night I revisited my past via old blogs dating back to 2004... It was interesting to see how much I have changed and grown... I must have been so lost... Almost every entry was in some way searching for a purpose...looking for answers, philosophizing... I was looking for deeper meaning to life... And here I am today... without questions... My thirst has been quenched simply by knowing that although I do not and will not have all the answers, God has a plan for me...and the closer I get to Him, the more He unveils it...

In retrospect, I realize that I was suffering...and I needed salvation... I needed to be freed from the feelings of guilt and shame...and from my sins...

It wasn't until analyzing my past, and examining my present... that I knew I had been saved...

Thanks be to God...

a little older, a little wiser...

but still i am me...

the more i learn, and the more i change... the more i stay the same... ever so connected with my true self...

to really know oneself, as to know the definition of something... anything... you must first define what it is not... and i have done that... i have made the mistakes i had to make, to know who i am not... and in doing so, i now know who i am...

i know that there is a light... inside of me... that yearns to glow ever so brightly... bright enough that it could never be denied... i no longer live in darkness... but experiencing the darkness, has shown me that the light exists... it's the dualities of life... you can't know one with out the other... there cannot be an up if you don't know the down... you cannot see beauty, if you do not know ugliness...

i am happy today... and i know happiness because i have experienced sadness... and knowing what sadness feels like, i choose happiness... it is a much more beautiful place to be...

be happy :)

it's been a long, long time...

wow! I have a blog again! It's been years!! I hope I will find the time to speak my mind... I have a lot to say and I need an outlet... So here I go... trying to live life out loud...

Much of my life I have lived in silence...although the silence was intended to protect me, it ended up causing me pain...and although I have become more social, fun-loving, and spontaneous...there always remained a deeper part of me hidden inside... I learned how to play the part of the friendly and entertaining, hostess with the mostest very well...yet there was always a true me buried deep in a remote part of my being...

I have slowly started to expose this inner me...and the more I unmask, the more I realize that this masquerade has been in vain...because I am a genuine, wholehearted, amorous person...who wants nothing more than to bring joy to the people around me...and that is nothing to be ashamed of...

My reasons for keeping myself so private and secret are not because of shame, at all...being sensitive to the opinions of others, and with a fear of being seen as having weaknesses, it was really just to protect myself from vulnerability...I love people...and I want to help people...my heart is too big to be hiding...it wants to come out...and be worn on my sleeve...

I love me...and I want people to know me...so this is me...exposed...and consciously making an effort to live out loud...

Happy New Year!