Tuesday, October 27, 2009

the music is too loud

i need quiet... i need stillness...

what's with all the ruckus?

i don't want to think... i just want to feel...

finally... peace...

ok... thinking again... about whether or not i am understood... not that it really matters... i'm just curious...

wondering if what i say makes sense... if what i write from the heart can be felt by another...

part of me wants to continue writing towards an end of inspiration... in others... but another part... a selfish part... maybe...? wants only to vent...

but then i think about... who wants to read that? i certainly don't... when i come back to this... later in the future... i want to be inspired... not depressed...

why am i so torn between the ideas of doing for others and doing for myself? sometimes i feel like i do more for others... then i feel like i don't do enough... or i could do more... but i never really think about what i do for myself... do i do enough?

i don't know how to answer that question... what i do know is that the question itself brought tears to my eyes... because i started to think... that i am not living up to my potential...

and i'm not... but that's okay... because i haven't reached the pinnacle of my life... what's scary is that i don't think i'm getting there fast enough... my attitude towards life is too lax...

i feel a struggle between materialism and detachment... i like having nice things... and i want more nice things... so i have to work hard to get them... but will i ever reach the level of spirituality that i want if i continue on this path? can there be a balance?

i don't know...?

Monday, October 19, 2009

inspiration now

i need it...

i need to feel... in spirit...

to be in spirit is to be free...

i need freedom...

freedom to write whatever comes to mind... and hold nothing back...

i have it...

only i can get in my way... i can be my own worst enemy...

or my own best friend... one that inspires me...

so let go, my friend... let go and let God...

be still... and know that i am God...

so much truth in those words...

i feel as if my level of inspiration has dropped... but as i sit here... quietly... it is being replenished... it's amazing...

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

this is for you, my God...

i love you...

i have found you... and feel so connected... right now... in this moment...

you and i are one...

i wish this moment would last forever... but i already feel it slipping away...

i love you... you created me... i am eternally grateful... let me be your servant...

your will is my will... let me love as you love... let me know as you know...

stay with me forever... and i will never leave you... we will not be separate...

shine your light upon me... and i will help illuminate the world...

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

all talk and no ...

writing...

i feel as if i've abandoned my art... my expression... my heart...

ok, not really my heart, but it sounded good... lol

(cracking myself up)

just warming up right now...

no time right now... more later...................